


Stranded

by FairyNiamh



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Dragaera - Steven Brust
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Insanity, No Sex, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 16:53:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9246722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: Vlad did not remember what he did to deserve this punishment.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hamsterwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamsterwoman/gifts).



> This is to be taken as seriously as an Honest Jhereg.
> 
> _Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.  
>  \-- Ingmar Bergman_

_'Heads up Boss.'_ Loiosh warned. 

Vlad looked up and did his best not to wince at the sight before him. He was an assassin, a witch, a thief, he faced Warlords, Gods, walked The Paths of the Dead, and was friends with Sethra Lavode. None of it had made him cringe (much). 

Yet this gaunt skeletal thing (she had introduced herself as a witch, the same as him; but he had his doubts.) walking towards him scared him far more than anything he had encountered before. 

"What you doing there?" she asked with a slight humph at the end. Honestly with all of the weird shit he encountered in this place, she was the worst. She made him wonder if Sethra would look like her, if she aged.

"A spell," he said simply. She had expressed her distaste for Gods and Goddesses before. He was not going to question is they existed, not when they could so easily squash him under the heels of their shoes. Plus, he had met a few.

"Whatssit a spell for then," the nosey old hag asked.

He closed his eyes and took a calming breath and thought of his Niosh-pa and all his words of wisdom. Of how calm the man was. Of how lucky he was to be spared this nightmare.

"Hey, I asked ye a question," she pushed as she whacked him across the back of his head with an oversized wooden spoon.

_'Remember, you can't kill her,'_ his familiar sniggered in his mind.

"Why's this flying lizard still flying around, mucking things about," Granny Weatherwax asked she swatted at Loiosh causing him familiar to hiss at her. "Get away from here you. Told you that a cat is the proper familiar for a witch.

"We're not supposed to kill her," Vlad smirked at his familiar. "Though if she keeps trying to hurt you, I'll let you bite her. Verra didn't say that we couldn't hurt her; and I know many ways to silence annoying old Teckla."

Weatherwax gave a great sniff at his words. "I know when I'm not wanted. Whatever you're doing, you best be quick about it. Gytha will be back from the pub soon, and she's likely to set her Greebo on your bat."

Vlad watched the grumpy old woman walked away and shuddered as Loiosh landed on his shoulder. "Ambrus is the only cat I have ever liked. We need to get out of here. This place will take our sanity if we don't. This place or these dreadful people. Why is Verra punishing us with this?" he questioned as scratched under his familiar's chin.

The Jhereg flicked his tongue out over his master's cheek, trying his best to comfort the man. He wouldn't remind the man that he had called the Goddess a diseased ridden Lyorn bitch. He wanted to get home too, after all; and he knew better than to pull up bad memories.

He did agree that the Goddess was too harsh. Vlad had been extremely drunk and was in no condition to try to think clearly. Brandy may liberate the mind and allow the tongue to tell the truth from time to time, but everyone knew that drunks were not to be taken seriously. She should have just punched him. A bit of violence is very soothing after all. He knew he had always felt better when his tail 'accidentally' hit his boss in the face.

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> It has been Years since I have read any of the books. So I probably got the voices of Loiosh and Vlad wrong, sorry.


End file.
